I Didn’t Wake Up One Day…

There was a time, not so long ago, when I struggled to find the magic in this mess- in this diagnosis. The one we were so petrified by.

And then, something changed…

It wasn’t that I woke up one day to a life suddenly without autism-

I didn’t wake up one day to a daughter that communicates verbally.

I didn’t wake up one day to a life free of dysregulation.

I didn’t wake up one day to a world without hurdles I wasn’t prepared for.

I didn’t wake up one day to a typical life.

I didn’t wake up one day to a cure.

No, I didn’t wake up to any of that.

I did wake up and realize what really needed to be fixed-

That the problem didn’t lie in how we communicate or sensory issues or delays.

That the problem wasn’t stimming or unfamiliar sounds.

That the thing that needed fixing wasn’t autism at all.

That it was me; my perspective.

This world.

That while all the challenges that come with this diagnosis are unexpected and hard and crippling and yes, can cause grief- they are not life ruiners.

They are not the death sentence of joy.

I did wake up one day and realize that I love this life and my family MORE than I am angry at autism-

That while autism took away some things I bet on having, our life is still full and beautiful and joyful beyond measure.

That while the silver linings are sometimes hard to find- some days much harder than others- they are there.

Even when that silver lining is simply that we are here- together.

That she is mine.

No I didn’t wake up one day to a life without autism.

I never will.

That’s not our story.

But I did wake up one day and see clearly- a life more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

The one that was meant to be ours- the one I was made for.

And you’re made for yours, too.

🤍♾️🤍