30 Weeks

30 weeks. It’s insane how quickly time has flown by this time around.

Two seasons have passed since we got our news, and we are already a week into summer with this bump of mine. Only a few short months before our due date, and we are ready for it over here! As we enter the final ten week stretch of pregnancy, here are a few updates on baby number two:

30 Week Bumpdate

On Nesting

In my 20 Week Bumpdate I mentioned the state of disbelief I was in- that despite seeing our girl bounce around during ultra sounds a part of me couldn’t believe we were finally pregnant again. I guess part of me will always feel that way with respect to how we got here- there are still times I pinch myself that after everything this is our story. But now, finally, at 30 weeks, I believe she’s coming- that baby number two is actually on the way. And with that belief, there’s been a whole lot of nesting going on here. And while I’m not sure if 30 weeks is technically too early to be in full nesting mode, I’m feeling it- big time. I’ve gone through and sorted 99% of Madeline’s old clothes, and have started to fill in what {few} holes there are for this babe. The nursery is done, for now- I’ve shared glimpses here and here, but will be sharing a full reveal sometime next week. We’ve painted and cleaned and decorated and prepped. And now, the big countdown begins- even if we still have ten weeks to go.

On Big Sisters

A few weeks ago a light bulb went off for our MM. She knew, and understood, for some time that a baby was arriving. But it was only recently that she fully grasped the idea that the baby will come, and then grow into a little girl. And once she pictured this- that this little girl will be here, in this house, and be her friend forever, someday soon- her excitement increased leaps and bounds.

Every night she reaches for a sweet picture book I bought early on in our pregnancy- The Fruits of Your Labor- and we check to see what fruit/vegetable the baby is during that week. She rubs my belly, and kisses her sister through it; she knows the baby’s name and has a nickname for her already; she shops for her sister and willingly gives her toys and too-small clothes and shoes; she tells me {and anyone who asks or doesn’t ask} that once the baby comes “Mommy doesn’t have to do anything, I will take care of her.” And while I’m not entirely buying it, there’s really nothing sweeter.

I always wanted a sibling for MM- it got me through our final attempts at IVF, even when they continued to fail. And while I was ultimately OK with her being an only child by the end, there was still a twinge of disappointment at the thought of her not having someone to grow up with by her side. In hindsight, I’m quite sure this desire for a brother or sister for our girl would have renewed my ability to face fertility treatments at some point; but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel beyond grateful that we didn’t have to in order to get here.

On two very different pregnancies

I know they say that every pregnancy is different, but WOW.

Thirty weeks in, and I feel like I’m living in a different body entirely this time around. I’ve discussed my first pregnancy a bit on Instagram here, but in case you missed it: it was a somewhat of a nightmare. I’m not sure if the blips and trials and hurdles affected me so greatly because I was so worn down emotionally and physically from my journey to conceive- but, ultimately, they made for a very anxious and somewhat miserable 37 weeks.

Hematomas and spotting kept me on pelvic rest for the majority of my pregnancy- meaning no activity, not even walking for exercise. By the time I delivered, I couldn’t feel my hands- they were numb and tingly almost all the time from pregnancy carpal tunnel. An anterior placenta kept me from feeling our girl- not once did I feel a kick. This lack of feeling led me to weekly non-stress tests and many a midnight trip to Labor and Delivery to check in on the babe. And at 28 weeks, we discovered she was falling off the growth chart and likely had Intrauterine Growth Restriction {IUGR}. This resulted in weekly ultra sounds, non-stress tests every other day, and, ultimately, an induction at 37 weeks. It was an emotional roller coaster for me, particularly after a year of fertility treatments. And while I know it was all worth it in the end, it took a toll on me.

And a part of me, as happy as I was to be pregnant again, was terrified to experience all of that again. The fear of all these tiny battles resurfacing kept me from truly enjoying being pregnant for quite some time. But with each passing week, I grew more comfortable with the idea that maybe none of that would happen this time around; that maybe it would be entirely different. And, in many ways, it is: Now, my placenta is posterior- and I feel this second girl twirl and flip and kick like no other. I haven’t been put on any restrictions so far. I can still feel my hands- hallelujah. And at our 28 week ultra sound it looked like this baby girl is growing on track- which was probably the biggest relief I’ve felt thus far.

And, of course, the way we got here- pregnant with number two- couldn’t be more different than the first time around.

And while this pregnancy is so different, even from conception- I still can’t think about it without thinking about my first. The two are inextricably linked in my mind; and I think about IVF and my journey and my first blessing every day. This pregnancy, the more natural and easier of the two, has made me realize just how strong as shit I was five years ago; when I was in the thick of our fertility struggle. It has increased the respect I have for us; and anyone undergoing fertility treatments or struggles TTC. It has reignited my gratitude for the doctors that brought us our girl and the people that made our treatments possible.

And that first pregnancy, the anxiety ridden one after a year of shots and pills and medical bills and treatments- that one keeps all the usual pregnancy annoyances in perspective- the tiredness, the weight gain, the swollen ankles and puffy nose and the tears over nothing to wear.

Because just like the first time around, all of those hurdles and tiny battles are temporary; and soon, when that baby is here, in just a few short months, none of it will matter at all.

Photo by Julia Dags

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