Hi, friends! ICYMI: We’re expecting! I shared a little bit about our story on Instagram over the weekend, but I know not all of you have this platform so I thought I’d share it again over here:

I started 2019 off like so many did- By #konmari-ing the heck out of our home. Bedrooms, kitchen, kimono. All of it. And in effort to start the year off fresh, I finally tackled the closets that housed all the tiny odds and ends I kept in hopes of baby number ✌🏻

This past week was a great one.

Maddie was happy and healthy and back to school. We returned home from a family trip, and I’m currently packing our little family up for another one. I shared some thoughts on why I started this blog: both here and on my Instagram.

And I was touched by how many messages I received- that so many of you are going through the same journey; that most of you didn’t realize this was our story.

Yesterday we got some news. News we weren’t hoping for. The result after weeks of pills, and shots and monitoring and about ten pounds of hopeful-pre-pregnancy weight gain.

How many of you remember what your wore the night you conceived you children?

Maybe a LBD for your anniversary? A new La Perla set you happily purchased for a special date night? A bridesmaids dress at your best friend's wedding? Or maybe your favorite pair of jeans on a randomly frisky Tuesday night?

So, here we are again.

I promised I'd be more open this time around, so here it is:

This past Monday I found myself in that familiar waiting room; my first appointment back in a while. The first one since I mustered up the strength I needed to try to complete our family a few months ago; only to quickly psych myself out again.

No, no. I'm not pregnant. Yet. As I mentioned {here} I found myself a bit shell-shocked after our last try at baby number two. It left me defeated, sad, and discouraged; for the time being. So we tabled the idea, and went back to enjoying our little family of three.

And now, nearly a year later, we are ready to get back on the horse, and try again. As us mamas do.

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If you follow along here, you know that infertility is something I struggled with before finally conceiving our daughter through IVF in 2014. It's a topic that is such a large part of my story, and continues to be something we grapple with as we strive to complete our family. After much soul-searching, we took the leap to try for another baby last fall. 

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My relationship with infertility is a tumultuous one.

Difficult as my road to motherhood was, in the scheme of things it was relatively short. Six months of trying on our own, seven months of IUIs and success after one round of IVF.

Throughout this struggle to conceive, I, sadly, encountered people that dismissed my struggles because of this brevity- comparing my "short" journey to their own, unfortunately, longer ones.

But I don't believe in ranking people's challenges- particularly when it comes to creating a family. Whether you struggle with infertility for seven months or seven years is irrelevant in my mind- it is an impossible pain to want to create a life and, for whatever reason, struggle to do so.

But boy, the fight is so worth it.