Six Months With Lila Lee
You guys: this sweet little cherub is six months old today, and I honestly cannot believe it.
It’s such a strange dichotomy: to feel so strongly that this tiny person was always meant for us, while formerly having succumbed to the notion that she may never come. As a result, there were moments, at first, where I couldn’t believe she was here. That she was ours. That after everything, after she decided to grow in my belly; that she came so effortlessly.
I will never forget that Monday. The one where I was so tired. Where I just didn’t feel right. Where I had a bizarre inkling that I never imagined could be true. Where I drove my skeptical self to the drugstore to buy a test. And after I took one. And then another. I still didn’t believe she was coming.
But come she did.
She’s here. And has been for six months now. And boy, was she worth all the wait.
She’s bashful and quiet; but has been practicing her voice and let’s us know she’s here in the most powerful way. She’s calm yet alert; and has been to more business meetings with her mama than I can count- sitting peacefully, patiently, while I tried to get back into the rhythm of life.
There’s absolutely nothing like seeing the way she looks at her sister; and the way Maddie looks back at her. And, even though Lila wasn’t conceived during all those IVF rounds- the ones that challenged us in the most powerful of ways, while bringing us closer than I could have ever imagined- those sister glances reminds me that all those years of struggling were abundantly worth it.
And seeing them together makes me know, without a doubt, that miracles can happen. I look at two tiny, beautiful, magical ones every single day. I’m quite sure one day they will scream at each other, or fight over clothes or who gets to sit shotgun. But for now it’s just pure admiration; and there’s simply nothing better.
on sleep.
It’s possible this topic might require its own post entirely, but I’ll give you a little insight into our sleep “schedule” with baby number two.
The truth is, she isn’t on much of a nap schedule. Neither of my girls are fans of the nap. Maddie was strictly a car sleeper when she was a baby; and Lila seems to have followed in her foot steps. That said, I think with Lila this has been a product of our lifestyle as a family of four. We are on the go- her crib naps have been interrupted by pickup and drop-off and all the other reasons we’ve had to leave the house throughout the day. Typically, she’ll nap when we’re driving around town. Which, for most, would be less than ideal.
When it comes to bedtime, however, she’s essentially a unicorn. People ask me- often- how she sleeps. And, honestly, I don’t like to share the truth: She’s been sleeping through the night since she was eight weeks old. And the credit, really, is all hers.
She’s a great sleeper- KNOCK ON WOOD- as some babies are. We didn’t really "sleep train” her, or practice any given philosophy. But we did learn from the past, and tried to avoid some habits I practiced with baby number one:
I tried very hard not to run into her bedroom every single time I heard a peep. I didn’t do this with Maddie- she would breath loudly and I’d run into her room to check on her. With Lila, however, I had a little more faith that all was OK, and I let her soothe herself a little more from the beginning.
I have a monitor I LOVE. I swear by the Nanit. I love that it’s on my phone, with me at all times. It gives me detailed sleep reports of her nights, tips for better sleep, and I wholeheartedly trust it will alert me when baby needs our attention.
This baby goes to bed FULL. That’s not to say we didn’t try to do the same with Maddie when she was a baby- but Maddie just didn’t care as much about food as her sister. Lila has a little more meat on her bones- which is one of my favorite things of life- and I think her love of the bottle helped her sleep soundly from the beginning. I’m not a doctor, or a sleep expert, but it’s my sense that a few extra ounces before bedtime really helped avoid those midnight feedings.
Lila has worn this sleepsack with swaddle since the very beginning, and she’s always seemed to really love it. I had a collection from when Maddie was a baby- she loved them, too- so I knew to use them from the start. I’m not sure what Lila’s sleep would have been like without them, but I wouldn’t want to try at this point… If it ain’t broke!
on essentials.
Six months in, and we’ve accrued a list of a few absolute essentials. You never know what a baby will like until they’re here; but there have been a few products that have been absolute life-savers with LL:
on my postpartum journey.
Again, this is probably a topic that deserves an entire post; but I’ll give a little glimpse into where I’m at today:
Physically: It’s no secret that it took some time for me to feel comfortable in this postpartum body of mine. For some reason, I had it in my brain that I would “bounce back” after baby number two. Which, truly, is an impossible bar to set for oneself.
With Maddie, I didn’t gain nearly as much weight. She was just under six pounds, and an entirely different pregnancy altogether. I lost twelve pounds in the hospital with her- and the rest of the weight seemed to drip off. So when I had Lila, I figured it would be just the same. Not so much. I’ve lost roughly 35 pounds, but still have a ways to go. That said, I’m feeling much more comfortable in my own skin these days, and the focus has shifted from fitting into certain clothing to being healthier and happier. I finally am at a place where working out is possible on a regular basis again. Spring is around the corner, meaning we’ll spend more time outdoors and moving our bodies in the fresh air- which is good for everyone. And I’m committed to remembering that this postpartum journey is a process, and I just need to be patient and practice some grace these days.
Mentally: After I had Maddie I struggled with some postpartum anxiety. I would ruminate on health fears and spiral down the rabbit hole of “what-ifs.” Who will take care of this baby if something happens to me? Is this headache a brain tumor? Is this stomach bug some terminal illness?
It was awful. But through talk therapy and some medication, I was able to get to the other side.
So after I had Lila, I felt it was best to start back on my medication immediately after she was delivered. It was helpful, and my anxiety didn’t spiral out of control. But it didn’t have the same “magic” effect I thought it might. The newborn fog still hit me hard. The transition from one to two was much more difficult than I had imagined. I felt guilt and shame and highs and lows in ways I wasn’t quite prepared for. And it took some time to settle in to our new normal. I no longer take the medication- it no longer helped me feel good the way it did the first time around. Instead, I’ve found that working out, getting sleep, taking some time for myself, talking about my feelings- a lot- and easing professional pressure has helped. And CBD. I’m a big believer in the power of the CBD gummy.And I’m quite confident Lila is here because of just how chill it can make me :)
** If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, particularly postpartum, please consult your doctor/healthcare provider. I am by no means a doctor or health professional, and these are simply thoughts on my own personal postpartum journey xx
photos by Julia Dags