Today marks three whole months with this sweet little cherub, and I can’t believe there was ever a time without her here.

It feels like only yesterday I took a pregnancy test on what felt like a hunch, only to read that miraculous “+.”

I will never forget that overwhelming, shaking joy; how shocked and nervous and happy I felt all at once.

So, so happy.

And once she came, it was a transition- for. sure. But in the last few weeks I feel like we’ve caught our stride as a family of four; and I just couldn’t be happier to be her mama.
Here are a few thoughts on three months with LL.

On Love

If I’m being honest- which I typically am- I was worried about loving our second sweet babe in the same way I did our first. I knew deep down that my heart would grow, that there would be room for both of my girls; but the idea was so overwhelming to me that it was nearly unfathomable.

How could I love another human the way I so deeply loved that first?

And while I still can’t put into words how, I simply just do. If Maddie is my right arm, this girl is my left.

And I need them both to feel totally complete.

Nothing will shock your system the way feeling that love for your first child- it’s nothing short of life-changing. But your heart and life and soul expanding once more with that second? Well, that comes pretty damn close.

On Attention

I struggled with where and how to focus my attention in the first part of the last few months- giving so much of it to our newborn while trying to still give our first what she so wildly deserves.

Not to mention my husband and family and friends that also deserved a piece of me. I fell short here, for sure, in the first few weeks of the fourth trimester. And, luckily, I surround myself with some pretty amazing and understanding people.
Maddie included.

I just had to remind myself: this phase of life is fleeting. Newborns will one day sleep through the night. Hair will get washed. Friends will get called back. Date nights will happen; girl time with your first born will return. So be patient with yourself and that sweet baby girl; in this new world you’re living in.

On Sleep

I feel like now would be a good time to write an open apology to anyone I came in contact with between September 6 and November 1 of this year. Because MAMA WAS NOT SLEEPING. Not at all.

And while it only lasted 8 weeks, it was ROUGH. I had forgotten just how hard that part of this newborn phase was. And our girl sure was giving us a run for our money.

Then, just like that- she started sleeping in larger spirts. 4,5,6 hours at first. And then soon through the night.

I attribute this to what an incredible eater she is- as evidenced in her sweet cheeks and chins. Something we struggled with for Maddie Mae. Who knows what the first cold or tooth or who-knows-what will bring in terms of her sleep?

But for now, I’m enjoying every restful second.

photos by Julia Dags